Medusa, always the best-looking one

April 6, 2010 § Leave a comment

I went to watch Clash of the Titans earlier. I know, I have no right to complain when I bring sorrow and pain upon myself, voluntarily. I know, no one held a gun to my head and forced me to take out money from my wallet and pay for the movie tickets.

I’ll admit right off the bat to not having watched the original 1981 film, which I’m thinking must have been 10,000 times better. It has to be, please, dear lord. I knew this movie was going to be fucked before I even watched it, but I thought – you know, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, cool Greek myths – how bad can it be?

The answer: very bad, if you actually start thinking about it. But it’s HILARIOUS if you choose to laugh at it, especially Ralph Fiennes as Hades – greatest comedic performance of all time; only he was being serious. He was totally rocking the awesome aging-rocker-former-Hell’s Angel hairdo.

Can you take this Hell Dude seriously?

I’m still not sure why Sam Worthington has a job as an actor *at all*, but whatever.

I also don’t know why Io had to be there at all, except to sort of stand around, completely flawless – skin matte and glowy even after fighting those big crab-like monster things – and then, then, then! Before they enter to see Medusa, her lips are all red and glossy – again! Fantastic. I mean, I know this is hardly NEW where movies are concerned, pretty, dainty female ‘heroines’ just stand around and be dainty, Subashini get a grip, but seriously… Gemma Arterton’s performance was so insipid I didn’t know where to turn to vomit.

And then I nearly choked on my popcorn during the movie and thought I was going to die. My only thought was, “Please, for the love of ZEUS, don’t make my last memory be one of Sam Worthington’s thighs peeking out of his Greek costume man-skirt.” Fortunately, I’m still alive, and will live another day to watch a crappy movie and blog about it.

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